Inglorious Bastards Ficlets
by Rionarch
Summary: Assorted stories collected in one place. EDIT: Fixed upload errors 10/20
1. Breakfast in America

It wasn't often that he could find a good breakfast in America. Sure there were great traditions of their own and he _should_ assimilate himself… but he did not wear a headband for a reason. Hans was quiet shocked at the Bastard's marking of him but it was only to be expected.

They were, after all, not in the prisoner taking business. He pushed his luck by getting the Apache to make a deal at all.

That was several years ago and had nothing to do with his for once decent breakfast being ruined by some boy spitting in his food. Some comedy hour was shown on the television at the edge of the diner and the boy's mother (the owner herself) was looking very ashamed.

But not the young teenager in front of him.

He'd seen that look before on two other people. His job in the war was to find people, specifically ones that would most _certainly_ not like him. Hammersmark and Utivich, both with their own reasons to dislike him.

"You son of a bitch. You fucking killed my dad!"

"Jeremy!"

The swastika on his forehead was visible. He'd cleaned the wound so it was not as gruesome as some of the ones he's interrogated but it was still there. Aldo would be pleased to know his work was being appreciated.

"Sit down, Jeremy, and please tell me this wonderful story of yours." The kid had a straight faced temper but sat down in the booth, his mother rushing over to replace the meal and refill the coffee he'd been drinking. He lit his cigarette and took a few casual drags out of it to inspire some tension into the conversation.

"You know there hasn't been a single person in this town that has… called me out? Yes, called me out on being a Nazi. Congratulations to you on having a fine backbone. Your mother should be proud at raising such an honest child."

After years of questionings people a boy barely into his teenage years was no trouble at all to read. In fact it was even more amusing than the adults who had far more tells. The children hardly ever had anything to hide after all. Jeremy was obviously confused at why there was no straight foreword reaction.

He had, of course, seen fights break out in the diner between men so much more _innocent_ than a him.

"Jeremy, if you don't mind me saying, are you Jewish? Or maybe a Bohemien? No?" Hans laughed and added some milk to the coffee.

"Then how have I killed your father? I have most likely never met the man." That sent him into the disgusted rage again and his fist banged on the table.

"He died when you damn Nazis bombed London!" The coffee was still warm even after the conversation had taken a minute or so longer than Hans had expected. Usually Americans couldn't' keep their mouths shut and didn't require as much to talk.

"So while you in nappies you were completely aware of your father being an ocean away, dying from a bomb. Astute, but maybe not the right answer. Disease is another, backlash from shrapnel, even falling over bored might have done it. You are so completely certain that I and my former affiliates have killed him?"

"…he _did_ die during the bombings! Do you think he didn't?"

"No. Most likely he died a most agonizing death. But you and I, well we'll never have any way of knowing. So you can keep telling me that I have killed your father- but please, avoid spitting in the food your mother has worked hard to make- or let go of it. The Nazis are gone and you have nothing to bash over with a bat."

Jeremy didn't quiet understand what was meant by the bat, but the infamy of the Bastards had not reached civilized ears. Thank god. Hans took another puff of his cigarette, nearly at the filter. Before the boy got up from the booth, Hans took the left hand and snubbed the light in one of Jeremy's fingers.

"ARGH!"

"I expect that you'll be more selective with whom you point your finger at in the future. And allow me to assure that I am still very, very good at my job." He smiled at the horror being presented before him.

"Oh! And please, pass word to your mother that the pie was delicious."


	2. Der Golem

Wicki looked over at Stiglitz, who'd been holding one of the Nazis down by gun point. It was easy enough for them to get along and it was nice to talk to someone in his native tongue now matter how bad Stiglitz said it was. It wasn't any worse than what Lt. Raine had done to the English language. But, anyway, they had a lot of fun together. Especially when the poor fucks they caught couldn't understand English.

"_Ah, you know who he is?" _Donny was standing behind some of the trees getting a few practice swings in before he was allowed out to the scene. It was intimidation tactics like this that reminded them that Lt. Raine was aware of what he was doing and how, beyond their reasoning, did follow someone's instruction and learned how to wage war.

"J-ja, der Golem." Stiglitz smiled again and the Nazi looked scared stiff.

"_I know you know the story Wicki."_ Of course he'd heard the story. It was one of the reasons so many of the German's were afraid of Donny. He didn't look like the normal scrawny Jew you'd find in a bank or in a clerical position- truly a beast of a man.

"_Of course. The Jews of Prague were under attack. There were those that were killing them." _Wicki raised his eyebrow at the pale kid in front of him, making sure to whisper the story low enough that his comrades on the ground could barely hear- they weren't all dead yet.Donny was really working out a lot of that anger of his on the trees. He was starting to howl, too, one of his better days."

"_And a hero Rabbi made a man of clay to save us."_

"Nein, das is nicht baer." Stiglitz reminded him of Donny's other nickname. Wasn't as poetic thought. Wicki continued with his story knowing that Raine was nearly done with interrogation and Hirshberg was still too trigger happy.

"_And then the golem crushed everybody and all who prosecuted the Jews. And knowing his work was done, the golem returned to the earth outside of Prague, always ready to protect it._"

" Well that one was a dud. You'd think he'd crap on his own time. Donny! Git over here and fix up our friend there." It was time for him then.

"_Do you think Donny'll need two hits or three?" _Stiglitz stage whispered to him. He had a sick sense of humor when he wanted.

"HEY, What are you'll talking about me 'for?!" Trust Donny to pick up on that.

"_Wicki, you know you missed something in your story." _This wasn't Stiglitz being antisemitic, this was him poking fun at Donny any way that he could. The Maharal's golem had been strong, yes, but stupid, dumb, and lack luster personality wise.

"Like what?"

"You didn't mention that the golem fell in love before he was killed by the rabbi. People seem to forget that he was in love too, even though he was a monster."

They'd missed the questions, or rather the lack of them. Sometimes the Nazis panicked so much they just had to be put down for their own good. _That_ was a joke.

Donny falling in love with any sort of girl.

"_Tach. Women, guard your loins, Donny's around?" _Stiglitz shrugged. Odder things had happened, or how else would you explain this conversation? The sound of the brains squeezing through cracks in the skull were subtle but they could all recognize it.

"Ja, warnen Utivich besser."


	3. Finding Hugo

They had ambushed another few people standing guard at a small city or something when they'd finally gotten used to the idea of stripping the corpses down for things they kinda _wanted_ rather then needed. They'd been okay with getting guns and other tools of war but that was it. Then it was stuff like the rare bar of soap and food for when they were running low.

Now Kagan was looking for a newspaper to pass the time easier, hoping that it was in English or something but no luck for him.

"Hey, Wicki, want the Nazi's news?" Bits of the paper were ragged and from what he could tell it was maybe a week or two old (Sure numbers were the same but the Europeans had some silly way of writing dates that made no sense). No funnies either.

Wicki smiled at the paper and read through some of the better pages. Paper wasn't exactly something durable during war so it was amazing that it was in as good of a condition as it was. Plus it made him feel just a little homesick. Not for the Kill Jews part, but for the part of him he couldn't relate to with the the other bastards.

'_Ah. American troops to get involved soon, thirteen Gestapo dead, it's going to rain next week...wait._' One of the regular officers had killed thirteen of the Gestapo?!

"Lt. Raine you won't believe this." Was it too much to get excited that not all of his people were absolutely insane? Wicki rushed over to the rocks where Raine was still teaching some of the more squeamish ones how to scalp properly and laid the news on one of their backs.

"Ya damn right I don't believe this, can't read it boy." It didn't take long to explain what was in the paper and for Raine to gather the rest of the Bastards around. He might be in charge of this operation but something like what they might be doing had best be put through the other guys first.

"So, are we going to drag this Nazi hatin' Ger~man outta his cell and breach that divide 'tween our armies or do we let the Ger~man get what's his?" It was a close vote with only one hand difference, mostly because Wicki might have explained to some of the others that this should be done.

"Well then get your boots ready, we're off to find Hugo Stiglitz."

-

Stiglitz didn't think anybody was going to come for him on his last day or even to spit in his face. They, as a majority, were too generally horrified and afraid of catching whatever it was that made him crazy. And then there was Lt. Aldo Raine, an Austrian, and a few men just as crazy as he was dangling an offer in front of him that he had no business refusing-ever. It wasn't to avoid getting that all too infamous swastika on his forehead or death.

It was going to be terribly fun.

"Now, Hugo, what're going to do with you?" Everything had been explained to him about their procedure with everything and it was amazing. The Army wanted to propagate this idea that The Bastards were bunch of Neanderthals that had no idea what military order or execution of action was; how wrong they were. Hirschberg or Kagan, he couldn't get their names straight yet, were always tip toeing that line of what they can and can't do, leaving Raine to straighten them out or send Donowitz to. Ulmer barely made a peep and avoided him to the point of conspicuousness, while Utivich and Donowitz followed orders to a tee. You'd never think such a small man would take such a vigor in scalping men.

Which was he was left then. He didn't owe any scalps, didn't owe anything or have any sort of loyalty owed to him. Wicki had made effort to make sure he fit in and they talked, mostly in German, (and what Wicki tried to call German) annoying some of the others to no end. Raine didn't seem to care so long as they got their work done and found something for Stiglitz to do.

Just standing there had made the soldiers piss their pants and soon he became the opening act for Donny, with Wicki nearby, helping to taunt the others in their native language, making a show of giggling and pointing like hellions. Hirschberg was rounding off into excess soldiers and Utivich and Kagan were waiting for the go ahead, and Ulmer artfully dragged the bodies into graphic displays, like wolves had torn into some of them.

Then they started watching him, like they were undecided if he was doing it right or not. He took his turn mutilating the soliders- mostly while they were still alive- and had an audience of Donowitz (when he wasn't busy), Utivich, Kagan, and Raine as critics. To them this was art, not paintings and poetry. Wicki never really watched, being too busy with his own work with scalping. Acting as translator delayed him from immediately scalping the victims and left him roughly ten behind everyone else, usually.

And it was still fun to the end. Hell, the end almost felt normal (and none of the bastards would appreciate him saying that). It was fake, of course, but hearing the drunken party behind him in celebration of something normal, a beautiful woman and his friend at one table sharing a round warmed him more than it should have. It was a private war for them, now. He and Wicki were, in fact, and against all of the Bastards' (except maybe Raine's) mental blockade, Germanesque. And if this was going to be their last night, let it be done properly. Then the German movie expert fucked up more then they could cover, besides the one sitting beside him was making his blood boil. The Brit was going to die too, but they had no idea if he knew.

Though the revelry behind him didn't have a clue what was going on, the gun was already in his hand and Wicki was smiling across from him.

He might have sold his soul to an American Devil and made his mother roll in her death, but it was worth it.


	4. Triliothought

"I want to suck your cock." Fenech felt his eyebrows go up and couldn't help but spit out some of his tea. Trust a New Englander to ruin a good tea ever all these years later.

"Excuse me?" The rest of the table was wondering that as well, because apparently Ed was the only one that heard anything. Basil, for one, stopped his conversation with Lt. Aldo Raine, about deployment into France. It was agreed on all ready that the British army would help in the deployment, but now there were small chats about how that was going to happen.

And sitting next to him was this monster of a man with a wide grin just for him, and the occasional wandering hand. That no one else seemed to see. Donowitz continued staring blankly ahead, listening to his officer talk about why airplanes were machines that shouldn't exist. That bat of his was off to the side of the chair and was occasionally felt- lewdly, he might add- during the conversations.

"Nothing sir, pardon me." They already had one of the men here, some sort of journalist, but he hadn't come to any of the meetings so far. The others were supposed to arrive sometime that afternoon and have deployment ready in a few days. The only reason the meetings were so close was for that extra security measure. Most people had no idea this operation was even taking place. Lunch was called for and Basil pulled him aside.

"Look, Ed, I don't know what's going on in your game, but fix it. I have to leave for another meeting now so you'll have to take care of the Americans. For now just give them whatever they want." Basil sighed and whipped his forehead. "We're nearly finished anyway."

Ed wanted to scream not to leave him alone with them when the journalist, Utivich showed up, snapping a picture of him. The boy started snickering at him, nodding over his shoulder; he looked over.

Donowitz smiled even wider and held up the bat, caressing it gently. Raine, the only other man in the room, didn't notice a thing. A sinking set in his stomach and he wondered what the rest of the afternoon was going to bring.

---

He wasn't _anxious_ or anything. There was no delayed gratification or secret shags off in the closet when Basil and Raine weren't looking. Donowitz kept on with his lewd depictions of something or another, because Ed was certain that some of those actions could not be done between two human beings.

So maybe he was the _teeniest_ bit upset that after a few days of advertisement nothing happened. The few (several) drink he'd had to calm his nerves weren't working as well as they should have, but that was just a tad less disappointing over what had happened. And nothing would happen, after that night, because they were being deployed the next morning.

His first and only warning was a bright flash and the smell of camera powder in front of him. Utivich was taking pictures he shouldn't be taking _again_. The bright spots were blinding him and the next thing he knew was that he was pulled into a dark closet, the door slamming shut.

"Damn, do you know how hard you're to find alone?!" Donowitz. Hard indeed, but Ed hated this whole damn thing. Between the bright flashes and the sudden darkness he almost couldn't make out Donny's figure in the closest- oh dear lord, was his foot in the janitor's bucket?

"What do you think you're doing, Donowitz?" Because Ed certainly wasn't making himself comfortable on Donowitz's thigh and helping him out of his jacket- that would be _wrong_ of him.

"Hey, if you really didn't want to do this, you'd have been out of the station by now eating doughnuts or something." Doughnut? Bah, Americans. Donowitz's hand had already undone his drawers and just pulled on his cock, nothing gentile or even careful. Ed felt his head knock back and echo against the metal lined walls.

"Someone's going to hear us if you don't stop this." Again, he really wasn't making everything easier for the two of them and the wet pants of breath that were making the closet hotter had absolutely nothing to do with how _concentrated _they both were, into each other.

Through the door Utivich was telling everything that came calling that it was 'restricted business' and needed 'authorized personal'. The damn boy had been in on this for day one. The stars were coming back again, from a completely different source that time.

Donowitz probably didn't realize that no, he wasn't a woman, and that no, lubrication was needed past what was dripping out of his cock. Ed was sure something inside of his was ripping and that he'd be passing blood out for a day, but thrusting up and higher was worth it.

".Fuh..." This didn't live up to his expectations (of what? He didn't have any, really) but it was unforgettable. Although he couldn't' see Donowitz's face the thrusts came faster and faster, even thought _he_ was already done in, and over both of their shirts.

"Ah..." The were slumped over each other, still panting and he felt Donowitz fixing their hair, of all things. Right light slammed them into their senses when Utivich opened the door and snapped on of those wretched photos he was always taking. The pain can quickly, a throbbing in his lower back, when Donny ran out of the closet leaving Ed there, red faced, debouched, and his military issues uniform certainly not up to standards.

Though, he did not lie at all when Basil asked if he had seen Donowitz since the morning meeting- he had not, in fact, seen him since then at all.

---

Post war there are five of them still alive at the ceremony held fifteen years later; Lt. Aldo Raine, Smithson Utivich, Hans Landa, Basil, and himself. In the private room their given none of them wish to speak to the Nazi with the swastika carved into his head, but he has an alright night for himself- mostly bothering Raine.

The story went, that where ever Raine moved t o his favorite Nazi followed along. Have to congratulate the old boy on figuring out the one way to annoy Raine for the rest of his life.

There was one other in the room, only fifteen or some age like that, but Ed couldn't figure out why he was there with them. After all nobody really knew about the basterds, except what little family they had left. But worse yet, there was Utivich and his picturebook.

Landa commented that he would have _loved_ to see some of those secret plans during their busy days and Raine growled. Utivich, who had grown into more man than boy looked up and grinned at him, like he had when they first met and Ed _knew _which picture was about to come up.

"DAD?!" Wonderful. Basterd spawn, tried and true. He finally had a real answer to what Daddy did during the war- British Officers, in the closet, with camera voyeurs in the hall.


	5. The Long Road Home and Away

"We Both speak a little Italian."

Donny Donowitz, Inglorious Basterds Script page 123

"If the three of you had shown up to the premiere dressed in woman's attire, it would have been more convincing."

Hans Landa, Inglorious Basterds Script page 142

—

"And who might your lovely guests be?" This was it. Bridget never thought the night would blow up quite this badly, but there they were. Landa wasn't going to believe a word they said. The introductions went by with him _mocking_ their accents when he finally came to the third member of their party.

Donowitz came to their rescue with the only words of Italian he had probably ever used, besides food.

"Questa è la mia prostituta a buon mercato. Cinque dollari."

**This is my cheap prostitute. Five Dollars.**

Bridget felt the headache come back and even saw Raine wince and look away. He was even hiding his face and looking at the ground. Landa was at a loss for words at Donowitz' grin and Utivich's awkwardness. They( Being Raine and Donowitz) decided that a female would be under less scrutiny then a bunch of guys that couldn't really speak Italian. They were right, but they went about it the wrong way.

Smithson Utivich was shoved into one of her spare dresses, with two actual melons as replacements for breasts and his short hair styled. Again, it might have worked, slightly, if he didn't have the five o'clock shadow or look like he was determined to kill something. Probably his comrades. The noise of the crowd behind seemed to get louder while Landa gave Utivich the once over, and then again. Coincidently it had drawn enough attention away from her leg.

"Ah, your seats should be easy to find. It is a pity we could not speak longer, but Misses Hammersmark, I must insist that we talk." Or not. She could have hoped.

"Oh, scuse, we... ah... oh." In a high pitched falsetto, Utivich was wiggling around and walked over to her.

"Erm... a. Toilet-eh?" Raine and Donowitz laughed and used this chance to brush by into their seats. Landa didn't look to happy about that but did nothing to avoid a commotion. As it was his thoughts and suspicions weren't solid yet, or this whole charade wouldn't have even happened.

"I am sorry, but I really must help her now- womanly things, you understand. We'll be but a moment darling." The Beginning of it was set.

---

"Look, just get Donny in here and go find Lt. Raine."

"It will look suspicious if I come back without my companion, not to mention you'll be under closer observation. Just use your _feminine wiles_ to get yourself and Donowitz out of there before the film is over. Can't be that hard can it?" Utivich did not make a pretty woman. The only other dress she had with her, a light olive green, did nothing to flatter him and just made it look like he was a very sick person-mentally and physically. It was shocking enough that they bathed before the premiere.

He wasn't too happy with her putting more make up on him to hide the growing beard but it had to be done. They made they're way into their seats just as the feature began playing and the theater was dim.

"Everything set?" Beside herself Raine nodded and watched the movie in utter fascination. They had time.

---

"What took you so long? You messed your hair up." Smithson dug the heel of his shoe- something else he borrowed from Hammersmark- and watched Donny's face contort in pain.

"I've got dynamite and a gun between my waxed legs, melons down my shirt, and I'm an Italian hooker. Hitler is above us and you're worried about my hair?" Of course he was. It was a matter of the Donowitz pride and everything was done with style. You'd think someone that went to beauty school would shave some of the hair off of his eyebrows; they could be spotted before his eyes were. They had a lot of time to kill so they watched a little of the movie, mostly watching the area and looking to see that everything was the way it should have been.

Fans of carnage as they were, they didn't want to watch a Nazi in all of his glory. Donny elbowed him almost midway through the film and pointed to the box. Someone was leaving there and they weren't going to take the chance of it being someone important. Utivich whispered low enough for Donny to barely hear over the sounds of gunfire.

"Donny, follow my lead." He didn't want to do this but then again, they'd done worse things most days they were in France. He made it a brand new show for other people to see.

Donny wasn't prepared for when Utivich's hand went up his thigh and started fondling his cock through the material of the pants and making lewd face gestures. Now all he had to do was push 'her' out of the seat and they'd leave. No one would suspect a thing.

Donny decided to kiss him instead and sit half on his lap, to the disgruntlement of the people sitting next to them. He couldn't exactly scream and shove the guy off of him or else everything would be ruined.

He could, you know, help and not feel him up during all of this. But no, that wouldn't fit Donny's little agenda at all. The people around them were starting to get very annoyed and muttered in German. It was nothing polite since they'd heard both Wicki and Stiglitz curse sometimes when things went too bad. Like when they lost men.

"Donny get off."

"Not until one of us gets off." Ah. There was the source of that lump on his knee.

"I hate you." The woman behind them loudly shushed and gave them a dirty look.

---

There were three cars outside of the cinema and no awkward conversation. Hirshberg was the was designated driver for them when they needed that fast getaway. Another car, one of those Nazi ones that you saw in the streets when someone was about to be dragged into a concentration camp or just meant for enemies of the state, was there with a single soldier waiting. Probably for the other Basterds to be captured.

The poor limo driver that didn't speak a word of English or German was grinning like the night was going to end well. Hirschberg was never going to tell any of the others this, but he and the Nazi at the other car just looked at each other and nodded.

If it came down to it, that French was going to be the first to be killed if he didn't shut up.

---

"The hell are those boys doing down there?" She and Raine were in fairly secluded section with a few of the Frenchmen that managed to get tickets. It was hard to find them in the crowd but the green dress stood out a little from the rest of the room.

"Well it looks like they're having some time together, no?" Raine wasn't happy. He got up and excused himself from the box looking like he was going to go downstairs and smack them. She hoped that wasn't going to happen or this would all be fore nothing.

"Von Hammersmark, I believe we need to have that conversation I have been waiting for." Raine's seat wasn't so empty anymore as Landa had casually taken it for himself. More amused than angry at what all this implicated.

"Please, allow me to escort you to the office."

---

Hirschberg took out his hand gun and put it in the coat of his pocket. The heavy artillery he preferred would have been too suspicious so it was left behind. He could see that the Nazi about four parking spaces over had done the same thing, only with his issued rifle.

The Frenchman still had no idea and was content in babbling on about something neither of them understood. He was defiantly going first.

---

Ten minutes passed before Utivich gave in and helped Donny along. He truly got his jollies off by offending Nazis in the worst ways possible. He quickly pulled his hand out of Donny's pants and felt the man collapse against him. That was the last of the recovery time they had and they _really _had to get out of there now and find Zoller before everything was ruined.

Donny looked almost too practiced in women's dressed when he wound his hands up Utivich's legs to take the bombs off. The same woman behind them started scolding them in German and pointing towards the door. He acted gracious and pulled Donny down the aisle, trying to ignore all the stars he was given.

The only compensation he had was that Donny was as uncomfortable in his pants as he was in the dress.

"Shit, move." The rest of the way was spent skidding into a bathroom just off of the entrance. The entire place was empty except a black man locking all of the doors and taking the keys away from him.

"And what is that?" Was there someone else trying to attack the Nazis tonight too? Neither the Americans or the British told them about this. Vaguely he wondered about all the pulp series that mentioned third agent spies. They would have certainly seen someone like that beforehand or heard about them.

"Fuck. We nearly got stuck in there didn't we?" He really didn't want to see Donny clean himself up in the middle of the bathroom but the past few years had been enough to knock the oddness of casual nudity away from them. It happened. One of the stalls was closet but they didn't think anything of it, or the slight noises that sounded like sobs; it was probably from the movie. Utivich kept the door open a bit to see who was coming out and noticed the black man hiding behind one of the statues in the lobby. Serious sounding steps followed along with the scuttling click of heels.

One of the Nazis was dragging Bridget through the cinema in a very bad sort of way. He swore and Donny came over to look what happened. The Black man went back to his business and continued to lock the doors.

"What happened?" Donny was getting his gun ready and unstrapping the bomb that was attached to his leg. They really didn't have anything to do with it now that all the doors were sealed shut. Could they just leave it somewhere and hope it did some damage?

Another door slammed open while Donny was explaining how they were going to stab the men guarding the balcony and the Fuhrer's seat when another door slammed open and they had a familiar voice through the scuffle.

"GOD DAMN NAZIS AND YOU FUCKING KRAUT LICKIN HANDS OFF OF ME." They got Lt. Raine too.

"Fuck this!" Donny took his gun and ran out of the door, firing away. Utivich followed behind him, stumbling over the dress and getting a few of the men that were left. Only the one holding Raine and some blonde woman was alive; the same one that had dragged Bridget away and questioned them before.

---

They failed miserably. One single man was holding them all down in handcuffs and even had the nerve to laugh at them all. The woman, Shosanna Dreyfus (They learned her name when she screamed it and tried kicking Landa in the face) was growling at the man and attached to Raine by another set of metal cuffs. Even if they wanted to move all of their actions would be too clumsy.

"How you really thought this was going to work I have no idea. Burn down your own cinema? Never would have thought that one. Admittedly you did the finest job of any of the undesirables in hiding yourself in France. I had no idea." The man was giddy and grinning like it was a holiday for him. In Naziland it probably was.

"A better disguise than his, at least." They could all shut up about the dress now. He knew it was horrible idea but once Donny and Lt. Raine took to it, it stayed.

"Where's von Hammersmark?" The jolly look on Landa's face dropped for a second and he continued on.

"She got what she deserved. Just as _she_ soon will. We'll have to talk later once I take care of some business, won't we Aldo the Apache? I cannot abide my inability to find you, Miss Dreyfus. And really, once this is all over it's only our records we have. I much prefer mine to remain perfect." Donny was quiet through all of this. Well not quiet but they'd learned to tune out his cursing and it hadn't bother Landa that much. But now this guy was just getting cocky about it and laughing in her face.

"STOP IT DAMNIT!" They ignored him again and he noticed the time on the wall. The bombs were going to go off in a few minutes.

"Au revoir, Shosanna." Before Landa shot the girl her fell forwards, having his back covered in bullets in a way that would have made Kagan proud.

The door to the bathroom they had been in was still swinging open and closed, but there was Zoller, red cheeked with tear stains down his eyes. He looked around frantically, saying things in French to the girl and dove for the keys in Landa's coat.

"I am coming with you." The woman started screaming something, obviously a 'no' but Raine just nodded. They'd get more of a story later.

"Guys, we have to leave now!" They'd finally took notice of the clock and ran towards the exist, a bumble of legs, handcuffs, and a cry baby German soldier.

---

Hirshberg only needed to see the white of Raine's suit before firing into the Limo driver, the same as the Nazi was doing. Some man in a white formal attire shot the other Nazi and ran to their car.

"I am a friend to you all." They bubbled in with some more screaming and pushing just as the bombs and fire went off.

"Not likely yet, boy, butcha did help us out back there and that we're happy for. Damnit Hirshberg drive already." He really wanted to know what went on in there and why he couldn't have been part of the fun.

"Smitty, you suck a whore. No! If you sucked that would have been better."

"Donny I'm not a hooker. Get your hand out of my pants!" Thsi was porbably Donny's fifth unsuccessful attempt at getting Utivich to have sex with him. The other twelve times he _did_ apparently didn't count, even if Donny made sure everybody knew about it.

"Emmi-Shosanna... I don't care that you're Jewish; it really doesn't matter..."

"DIE. You self centered pig." His head was going to hurt in the morning if she kept slamming it into the window like that.

"Sonofvabitch. Didn't get to scalp the fucker..." Raine was grumbling. Oh shit. Did they all get their scalps? He had the paper with the tally somewhere...

"Eyes on the road Hirschberg!"


End file.
